


4 Things

by signifying_nothing



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:12:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4939294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signifying_nothing/pseuds/signifying_nothing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>taekwoon reflects on hakyeon's 4 things episode.</p>
    </blockquote>





	4 Things

**Author's Note:**

> taekwoon reflects on hakyeon's 4 things episode.

_There are a lot of things that were comfortable, because Hakyeon was the leader._ Taekwoon didn't think much about that statement when he said it. It felt natural to say, it wasn't a stretch to believe. Hakyeon being the leader made things more comfortable for Taekwoon, and he appreciated it. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if Hakyeon was comfortable as the leader. What if there were things that he was uncomfortable with, because he was a leader? It would have been a lie to say that he hadn't gotten more distant over the time since debut, but Taekwoon had always assumed that was because he was just busy, because they were all busy, and tired, and angry.

But just then he wasn't so sure.

On his own that evening, Taekwoon brought up Hakyeon's 4Things episode. He'd only watched a part of it before, had to turn it off because it was too embarrassing to watch. Hakyeon was always making such a fool of himself, it was a miracle that Taekwoon hadn't died because of second hand embarrassment. Yet. He watched the episode, muting the parts that were too much for him, until he came to the part he remembered filming. _He does his job exceptionally well,_ he'd said. It wasn't a lie.

But there was Hakyeon, looking down, his brow furrowed just a touch.  _I wonder if I'm leading them the right way,_ Taekwoon heard, and he cocked his head, frowning to himself. He paused, thought about what the others had to say about Hakyeon as the leader of their group.  _He always shows us his perfect side,_ Jaehwan had said. That was double edged praise; it wasn't always a positive, being perfect. Taekwoon knew Hakyeon pushed himself hard towards perfection, expected it of himself, even if he just wanted the others to try for it. He didn't expect them to reach it, but he expected himself to.  _Leader sickness?_ Wonsik had said, and maybe that was the name of the condition, expecting himself to be perfect while only expecting others to try their hardest. 

_Recently, I'm feeling that there are so many things I don't know about these kids. Of course I should be close with them, and able to talk meaningfully with them, but there has to be a bottom line, otherwise all of those talks become meaningless, because they won't understand... A leader has a lot to carry. It's a role that comes with loneliness._

The camera couldn't tell, and Taekwoon was almost positive that most people couldn't, but Hakyeon looked distressed. His hands couldn't keep still, and the shift in his shirt said his leg was bouncing, a nervous tick he's had for as long as Taekwoon has known him.

Suddenly, Taekwoon wondered if Hakyeon was still feeling that heavy pressure. He didn't seem to be acting any different; even at that moment he was fussing in the kitchen, probably taking care of laundry, which he couldn't stand piling up into a huge mess. Hakyeon was the youngest in his family, and Taekwoon wondered if the sudden shift in power made things difficult for him.

_You can do it. Everything. You can do it._

The distressed smile on the screen told Taekwoon that Hakyeon didn't really believe that. _You can do it,_ he'd said, and Hakyeon had said _thank you,_ but he didn't believe it. Just like he didn't believe that Sanghyuk _forgot_ to wipe down the shower, or that Jaehwan _forgot_ to fill and start the dishwasher. He just didn't believe it.

He was going to trudge forward anyway, but he didn't believe he could do it.

Taekwoon put his phone down, pulled his headphones out. Sure enough, he found Hakyeon at the washer and dryer, hanging and folding clothes like a mother, looking distracted.

“Hakyeon,” he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. Hakyeon turned to look at him and Taekwoon almost frowned at the lines around his eyes, the darkness beneath them. He didn't look sallow yet, but he was starting to look sick. “...Do you want help?”

Hakyeon blinked at him, shook his head. “I don't need help, but thank you.”

_Thank you._

Taekwoon frowned, and Hakyeon frowned in return. “Why are you looking at me like that,” he asked, putting one hand on his hip and attempting a scowl. Taekwoon wasn't afraid of Hakyeon.

_I wonder if he wants to keep being our leader,_ Wonsik had asked. 

_I will find strength._

Taekwoon knew there was no one in the living room, so he reached to hold Hakyeon's shoulder. Hakyeon stared at him in confusion that turned to worry.

“What's wrong, Taekwoon, are you okay?”

_He's always worrying about everyone else, before himself._

Taekwoon wondered when the dynamic had shifted. They used to get into fights, the six of them. They used to shout and bruise each other and Hakyeon had the most power out of them all. When he was truly angry he was terrifying, his warm eyes winter cold and his grip stronger than even Sanghyuks.

Yet there he stood in front of Taekwoon, mellow and calm and Taekwoon wondered where the fire went.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and Hakyeon blinked.

“I'm fine,” he said, turning back to his laundry, gently rolling Taekwoon's hand from his shoulder. “You should go to bed. We have to get up early.”

Taekwoon's eyes narrowed and he stepped closer, crowding Hakyeon's personal space, the two of them hidden by the short wall that kept the 'laundry room' from view. Hakyeon scowled, clearly confused and agitated by this breach of contract between the two of them (they'd promised not to do this at home, because on broadcast was one thing, it was Hakyeon trying to help Taekwoon get relaxed and one way to do that was to get him annoyed) but at home they weren't supposed to do that kind of thing.

Hakyeon opened his mouth and Taekwoon hugged him, firm. His arms were strong and his shoulders were broad and for a few minutes he just hugged Hakyeon, stunned into silence. He tried to think of what to say and couldn't come up with anything.

So he pulled away and stepped away and took steps back to the bedroom, blushed with embarrassment. It felt like the right thing to do but now he felt foolish.

“Taekwoon,” Hakyeon said, his voice lilting, turning his best friends name into a question.

“Mm?”

“...Thanks,” he said, and his smile was audible. Taekwoon felt himself relax and kept walking.

“Come to bed soon.”

“I will.”

 


End file.
